Overcoming Insecure Attachment

Name: Overcoming Insecure Attachment
Rating: 4 (1 reviews)
ISBN: 9781646042500

8 Proven Steps to Recognizing Anxious and Avoidant Attachment Styles and Building Healthier, Happier Relationships

By Tracy Crossley

Tracy Crossley moves beyond explaining attachment styles to offer eight concrete steps for dismantling the fear-based patterns behind anxious and avoidant behavior. The steps address fear avoidance, perfectionism, people- pleasing, problem obsession, victim thinking, assumptions, self-responsibility, and emotional honesty—with each building on the last. The approach is direct and personal, written for readers who already know their patterns are the problem and want a practical way forward.

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Quotes

If you were to see yourself accurately, you'd come to see that you are really your problem.

Paying attentiuon to what you do and why you do it will give you some insight into how you are the biggest barrier to your own happiness. Your feelings inopact your thoughts, and your thoughts impact your feelings.

Happiness is not the absense of triggers or emotional reactions - it is the ability to exist with them.

Concepts

Karpman Drama Triangle. Made up of three roles, the Victim, the Rescuer, and the Persecutor. When we step into any one of these roles, we infuse our relationships with unhealthy behaviors.
The Victim. Feels sorry for themselves, in powerless position, apparent passivity, anyone who believes their emotional state is controlled by someone else, no empowerment because they've given it away.
The Persecutor. Seen as the bully, the one being blamed, shows anger in a domineering manner, overly critical, outwardly controlling.
The Rescuer. Altruistic care for others, enabler of bad behavior, receive reward for validation, often holds resentment for caring for others.
Lizard Brain. Part of brain that cares only about survival, known as limbic system, reacts to fear with urge for fight, flight, freeze, part of your subconscious mind.

Chapters

Preface. My Journey to Emotional Freedom
Introduction. You're Screwed Up, Lovable, and Wonderful
Chapter 1. Insecure Attachment and the Drama Triangle
How Can You Be the Problem?
What Insecure Attachment Means to You
Choosing to Suffer in the Drama Triangle, From Victom to Rescuer to Martyer to Villian
Emotional Baggage, Can You Leave It at the Airport?
Chapter 2. How Your Lizard Brain Runs You
What is the Lizard Brain?
Negative Beliefs Create Patterns to Mak Them True
Reactions and Trigers, Sounds Like a Party
Chapter 3. Connecting with Yourself at the Basic Level
Learning the Language of Emotions
Difficulty in Working with Emotions
Learning to Emotionalize
Build That Self-Awareness Muscle
Watch Out fort Resistance to Change
Chapter 4. Step 1, Stop Avoiding Your Fears and Attaching to Outcomes
Fear Is a Bastard
Understand the Many Signposts of Fear
Fear-Basedf Beliefs
Epigenetics Is All About Influence
Not Liking Fear Doesn't Make It Go Away
Strategies to Avoid Fear Add Up to Zero
The Goblin We All Fear, Disappointment
Now Stop Avoiding Your Fears and Attaching to Outcomes
Chapter 5. Step 2, Stop Trying to Be Perfect
How Perfectionism Leads to Unhappiness
Perfectionism Is Always About the Future
Perfectionism Is Painful
On Not Being Wrong
Celebrate Mistakes
Rigidity != Happiness
Numbness != Happiness
Overdoing != Love
Flat Tire of Perfectionism, It's Hard to Change
Now Stop Trying to Be Perfect
Chapter 6. Step 3, Stop People Pleasing
I Please Others to Be Loved
Holding on for Dear Life, A Fan Club of None
Manipulation and Feeling Responsible for How Others Feel
Receiving Can Be Hard
Pretending You Have No Feelings of Your Own
WTF Are Boundaries?
Selfish Is Not a Bad Word
What Is Generosity?
Now Stop People Pleasing
Chapter 7. Step 4, Stop Looking for Problems to Solve
Are Problems Really Everywhere?
The Payoff of Fixating on Problems and Solutions
Drowning in BS
Being a Problem Detective
Now Stop Looking for Problems to Solve
Chapter 8. Steps 5, Stop Going Against Yourself as a Victim / Martyr
How Hard Is It To Say What You Mean?
You're Your Oen Worst Enemy
Your Shrinking World
Shame Denies You of Yes
Doomed to Struggle, How Do I Stop?
Waiting for the Payoff
Acceptance
Now Stop Going Against Yourself as a Victim / Martyr
Chapter 9. Step 6, Stop Assuming and Personalizing
Stories in Your Head That Keep You Stuck
Tall Tales, Anyone?
What's Wrong With Me?
Self-Reflection in the Mirror of Life
Common Areas for Assuming
Now Stop Assuming and Personalizing
Chapter 10. Step 7, Start Taking Responsibility
It's Your Fault?
The New Game in Town, Self-Responsibility
You Chose It, You Did it, You Need To Own It
More Choices!
Break Your Rules and Take Emotionally Risky Action
Loving the Hell Out of Beliefs
Build True Confidence and Self-Respect
Letting Go Without a Parachute
Now Start Taking Responsibility
Chapter 11. Step 8, Start Feeling Your Real Feelings
Setting Yourself Free
Speak Your Truth and Handle Your Emotions Like An Adult
Being Vulnerable as a Way to Live
Handling Disappointment Like a Champ
Authentic True Love of Yourself
Empowered from your Heart, Not Your Lizard Brain
Now Start Feeling Your Real Feelings
Conclusion. Learn to Love the Hell Out of Your Life
Screwed Up and Still Making Choices You Love
Trusting Yourself, Life, and the Universe
So What If I Made a Mistake? Let's Celebrate!
True Happiness
Welcome to the New Club, It's Magic!
References

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Rating

Published

October 26, 2021

Publisher

Simon and Schuster

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