I Didn't Sign Up for This

Name: I Didn't Sign Up for This
Rating: 4.5 (1 reviews)
ISBN: 9781683736622

A Couples Therapist Shares Real-Life Stories of Breaking Patterns and Finding Joy in Relationships ... Including Her Own

By Tracy Dalgleish

Couples therapist Tracy Dalgleish interweaves the stories of four real client couples with her own marriage to show how attachment patterns, emotional labor, self-abandonment, and negative cycles play out in everyday life. Structured around three phases—aware, acknowledge, align—the book draws on Emotionally Focused Therapy, polyvagal theory, and Internal Family Systems to help readers see not just what goes wrong in their relationships but why, and what genuinely changes when both partners do the inner work.

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Concepts

Aware-Acknowledge-Align
Dalgleish's three-phase framework for relational change: first seeing patterns clearly, then owning their impact, then actively reshaping them together.
Negative Cycle
The recurring loop of pursuit and withdrawal (or other complementary defenses) that couples get stuck in, which is driven by attachment fears rather than the surface content of any argument.
Invisible Labor
The emotional and organizational work—anticipating needs, managing household logistics, maintaining connection—that often goes unrecognized and creates quiet resentment over time.
Overfunctioning and Underfunctioning
A relational pattern where one partner takes on excessive responsibility while the other steps back, reinforcing each other's behavior and preventing genuine interdependence.
Corrective Emotional Experience
A moment within the therapeutic process (or in daily life) when a partner responds in a new, safer way than the original attachment figure did, allowing the nervous system to learn that safety is possible.

Chapters

Introduction
Part 1. Aware
Chapter 1. Emily and Matt
Chapter 2. Tracy
Chapter 3. Ashley
Chapter 4. Karine and Peter
Chapter 5. Tracy
Chapter 6. Lydia and Sam
Chapter 7. Ashley
Chapter 8. Tracy
Part 2. Acknowledge
Chapter 9. Emily and Matt
Chapter 10. Karine and Peter
Chapter 11. Lydia and Sam
Chapter 12. Tracy
Chapter 13. Tracy
Chapter 14. Ashley
Chapter 15. Emily and Matt
Chapter 16. Karine and Peter
Chapter 17. Tracy
Chapter 18. Lydia and Sam
Chapter 19. Tracy
Part 3. Align
Chapter 20. Ashley
Chapter 21. Emily and Matt
Chapter 22. Lydia and Sam
Chapter 23. Karine and Peter
Chapter 24. Tracy
Conclusion
Acknowledgements

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Rating

Topics

Emotionally Focused Therapy, EFT, Attachment Theory, Polyvagal Theory, Codependency, Interdependence, Differentiation, Emotional Fusion, Autonomy, Negative Cycle, Co-Regulation, Self-Regulation, Self-Abandonment, Emotional Bids, Internal Family Systems, RAIN, Coping Strategies, Core Beliefs, Over-Functioning, Self-Compassion, Stonewalling, Pursue-Defend, Externalization, Primary Emotions, Secondary Emotions, Self-Fulfilling Prophecy, Parallel Play, Compartmentalized, Passive-Aggressive, Overstimulated Mother, Hyperactive, Deactivate, Repetition Compulsion, Underfunctioning, Mentalization, Conscious Uncoupling, Four Horsemen, Criticism, Defensiveness, Stonewalling, Contempt, Anhedonic Behavior, Self-Abandonment, Invisible Labor, Bid for Connection, Adaptive Coping Strategy, Maladaptive Coping, Resentment, Emotionally Focussed Couples Therapy, EFT, Projection, Evocative Responding, Parentified Child, Dorsal Vagal State, Pursue-Distance, Pursue-Withdraw Trap, Corrective Emotional Experiences, Explicit Memory, Implicit Memory, Cognitive Dissonance, All-on-nothing Thinking, Confirmation Bias, Jumping to Conclusions, Labeling, Mind Reading, Personalization, Empathy, Validation, Gaslighting, Narcissist, Internal Family Systems, IFS, Highly Sensitive Person, HSP, Reparenting, Inner Child, Consolidation, Subjugating, Blamer-Softening, Interdependence, Perspective-Taking, Compassion, Curiosity, Connection, Collaboration

Published

September 12, 2023

Publisher

PESI Publishing

Links

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