Getting the Love You Want

Name: Getting the Love You Want
Rating: 5 (1 reviews)
ISBN: 9781429923934

A Guide for Couples

By Harville Hendrix

Harville Hendrix presents Imago Relationship Therapy — a framework rooted in the idea that we unconsciously choose partners who reflect both the positive and negative traits of our early caregivers. The first half explains romantic love, the power struggle, and how childhood wounds shape what we expect from our partners. The second half offers eighteen structured exercises for moving from unconscious to conscious partnership, including the Imago Dialogue, the Zero Negativity Pledge, behavior change requests, and a visualization of the relationship both partners want to build.

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Concepts

Imago
The unconscious composite image of the people who raised you, which shapes who you are attracted to and what you expect (and fear) from intimate partners.
Imago Dialogue
A structured three-part communication process (mirroring, validation, empathy) designed to replace reactive argument with genuine understanding.
Unconscious vs. Conscious Partnership
The shift from relating on autopilot (driven by childhood wounds and projections) to deliberately choosing how you show up and respond in the relationship.
Zero Negativity Pledge
A commitment to eliminate all forms of criticism, contempt, and negativity from daily interactions as a way to restore safety and rebuild connection.
Power Struggle
The inevitable stage after romantic love fades, when partners clash over differences and unmet needs rooted in childhood — also the gateway to conscious partnership if navigated well.

Chapters

Acknowledgements
Preface
Part 1. The Unconcious Partnership
Chapter 1. Love, Lost and Found
Chapter 2. Childhood Wounds
Chapter 3. Your Imago
Chapter 4. Romantic Love
Chapter 5. The Power Struggle
Part 2. The Conscious Partnership
Chapter 6. Becoming Conscious
Chapter 7. Commitment
Chapter 8. Discovering Your Partner
Chapter 9. Creating a Zone of Affirmations
Chapter 10. Defining Your Curriculum
Chapter 11. Creating a Scared Space
Chapter 12. Portrait of Two Relationship
Part 3. The Exercises
Chapter 13. Ten Steps Toward a Conscious Partnership
Exercise 1. Your Relationship Vision
Exercise 2. Childhood Wounds
Exercise 3. Imago Workup
Exercise 4. Childhood Frustations
Exercise 5. Parent (Caregiver)-Child Dialogue
Exercise 6. Partner Profile
Exercise 7. Unfinished Business
Exercise 8. The Imago Dialogue
Exercise 9. The Commitment Decision
Exercise 10. Caring Behaviors
Exercise 11. The Surprise List
Exercise 12. The Fun List
Exercise 13. Positive Flooding
Exercise 14. The Behaviour Change
Exercise 15. The Holding Exercise
Exercise 16. Owning and Eliminating Your Negativity
Exercise 17. Zero Negativity and Reconnecting Process
Exercise 18. Visualization of Love
Seeking Professional Help

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Topics

Imago, Relationships, Neuroplasticity, Childhood Wounds, Unconscious Partnership, Conscious Partnership, Isolator-Fuser, Legacy of Wounding, Superego, Lost Self, Unconscious Perception, Power Struggle, Phenomenon of Recognition, Phenomenon of Timelessness, Phenomenon of Reunification, Phenomenon of Necessity, Turtle-Hailstorm, Fight-Flight-Freeze, Externalization, Fear of Change, Noncatastrophic Exits, Invisible Divorce, Graduated Change, Self-Absorption, Imago Dialogue, Differentiation, Mirroring, I-Statements, I-Language, Validation, Empathizing, Caring Behaviours, Random Reinforcement, Fun List, Surprise List, Re-Romanticizing, Imago Workup, Parent-Child Dialogue, Behaviour Change Request Dialogue, Agape, Holding Exercise, Removing Negativity, Zero Negativity Pledge, Core Scene Revision, Positive Flooding, Childhood Frustations, Partner Profile, Commitment Decision, Visualization of Love

Published

December 26, 2007

Publisher

St. Martin's Griffin

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