Fight Right

Name: Fight Right
Rating: 4.5 (1 reviews)
ISBN: 9780593579664

How Successful Couples Turn Conflict Into Connection

By Julie Schwartz Gottman,John Gottman

Julie and John Gottman identify five fight patterns that derail most couples — the bomb drop, the flood, the shallows, the standoff, and the chasm — and explain what drives each one at a physiological and emotional level. The book examines how individual conflict styles (avoider, validator, volatile) interact within a partnership and shows how escalation and flooding prevent resolution. Concrete strategies help couples shift from a win-lose dynamic to a collaborative approach where conflict becomes a path to greater understanding.

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Concepts

Five Fight Patterns
The Bomb Drop (sudden escalation), the Flood (emotional overwhelm), the Shallows (surface-level avoidance), the Standoff (gridlock), and the Chasm (long-term disconnection) — each requiring a different resolution approach.
Conflict Styles
Three distinct approaches to disagreement (avoider, validator, volatile) that are valid on their own but create predictable friction when mismatched within a couple.
Flooding
A state of physiological overwhelm during conflict in which the brain's threat response takes over, making productive conversation impossible until the nervous system calms.
Repair Attempt
Any signal — verbal or nonverbal — that one partner offers to de-escalate conflict and restore connection, even mid-argument.
Magic Ratio
Gottman's finding that relationships tend to remain stable when positive interactions significantly outnumber negative ones, even in conflict.

Chapters

Introduction. What Are We Fighting For?
Part 1. Conflict 101
Chapter 1. WHy We Fight
Chapter 2. Why We Fight the Way We Fight
Chapter 3. What We Fight About
Part 2. The Five Fights Everybody Has
Chapter 4. Fight 1 - The Bomb Drop
Chapter 5. Fight 2 - The Flood
Chapter 6. Fight 3 - The Shallows
Chapter 7. Fight 4 - The Standoff
Chapter 8. Fight 5 - The Chasm in the Room
Conclusions. The Good Fight
Fight Right Quick Guide

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Rating

Topics

Conflict, Criticism, Contempt, Stonewalling, Defensiveness, Solvable Problems, Perpetual Problems, Opposites Attract, Personlity Differences, Life Stress, Major Life Changes, Emotions, Curiosity, Conflict Styles, Conflict-Avoidant Couple, Validating Couple, Volatile Couple, Magic Ratio, Conflict Avoidance, Validators, Hostile-Detached Couple, Mega-Emotion, Avoidant-Validator, Validator-Volatile, Volatile-Avoidant, Stages of a Fight, Anatomy of a Fight, Conflict Puzzle, Emotional Bids, Turn Toward, Turn Away, Turn Against, Emotional Bank, Gridlock, Deal Breaker, Escalation, Common Myths, Big Mistakes, Conflict Mistakes, Bomb Drop, Kitchen Sinking, Harsh Start-Up, Softened Start-up, Flooding, Defending, Withdrawing, Expressing Needs, Proprioception, Repair Attempt, Do-Over, Self-Disclosure, The Shallows, Autonomy, Closeness, Win-Lose Dynamic, Accepting Influence, The Standoff, Closing the Chasm, Common Pitfalls, Positive Needs, Start Right, Stay Collaborative, Flexibility, Compromise, Past Fights

Published

January 30, 2024

Publisher

Harmony

Links

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