Say What You Mean

A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication
By Oren Jay Sofer

Oren Jay Sofer brings together mindfulness, somatic awareness, and Nonviolent Communication to help people have clearer, more honest, and less reactive conversations. The book presents a three-step framework — leading with presence, approaching dialogue with curiosity and care, and focusing on what genuinely matters — with practical exercises for each stage. Chapters address common challenges including how to raise difficult issues without starting a fight, how to ask clearly for what you need, and how to listen for the real concerns behind what others say.

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Concepts
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  • Relational Mindfulness
    The practice of bringing moment-to-moment awareness into conversation, so that you can notice your own reactivity and stay genuinely present with another person.
  • Nonviolent Communication (NVC)
    Marshall Rosenberg's model for expressing observations, feelings, needs, and requests without blame or judgment, integrated here with mindfulness practices.
  • Emotional Agility
    The capacity to move fluidly through difficult emotions during a conversation without getting hijacked by them or shutting them down.
  • Asking Clearly
    The skill of making specific, actionable requests rather than vague complaints or hints, so that others can actually respond to what you need.
Chapters
  • Foreword by Joseph Goldstein
  • Acknowledgments
  • Introduction
  • Part 1. The First Step - Lead with Presence
  • Chapter 1. The Center of Our Lives
  • Chapter 2. The Power of Mindfulness
  • Chapter 3. Relational Awareness
  • Part 2. The Second Step - Come from Curiosity and Care
  • Chapter 4. The Blame Game
  • Chapter 5. Where Are You Coming From?
  • Chapter 6. Don't Let the Call Drop
  • Part 3. The Third Step - Focus on What Matters
  • Chapter 7. Getting Down to What Matters
  • Chapter 8. Emotional Agility
  • Chapter 9. Enhancing Empathy and Inner Resilience
  • Chapter 10. How to Raise an Issue Without Starting a Fight
  • Chapter 11. If You Want Something, Ask for It
  • Part 4. Bringing It All Together
  • Chapter 12. The Flow of Dialogue
  • Chapter 13. Running the Rapids
  • Chapter 14. Conclusion - Charting Your Course
  • Summary of Principles
  • Useful Communication Phrases
  • Notes
  • Glossary
  • Further Resources
  • Index of Practices by Topic
  • Index
  • About the Author
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Published
  • December 11, 2018
Publisher
  • Shambhala Publications
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