Real Love

When we experience inner impoverishment, love for another too easily becomes hunger- for reassurance, for acclaim, for affirmation of our worth. Feeling incomplete inside ourselves, we search for others to complete us. But the equation doesn't work that way, we can't gain from others what we're unable to give ourselves.

The unconsciois mind is a vast repository of experiences and associations that sorts things out much faster than the slow-moving conscious mind, which has to work hard to connect the dots. Morever, the unconscious mind operates with some very powerful biases, and tends to underscore our pain.

To truly love ourselves, we must treat out stories with respect, but not allow them to have a stronghold on us, so that we free our mutable present and beckoning future from the past.

When our loved ones mirror our goodness and strengths, and their stories cast us in a positive light, we naturally feel more love for ourselves.

When we believe a wounding story, our whole world is diminished. It's as though someone suddenly turns off all the lightss, and we lose faith in our dreams, as wellas in our capacity to love and be loved. If we accept it as true, that one story can plant seeds of jealousy, resentmentm, anxiety, and depression that we struggle with for years to come.

By allowing ourselves this simple recognition, we begin to accept that we will never be able to control our expriences, but that we can transform our relationship to them. This changes everything.

Mindfulness allows us to shift the angle on our story and to remember that we have the capacity to learn and change in ways that are productive, not self-defeating.

Loving ourselves calls us to give up the illusion that we can control everything and instead focuses us on building out inner resource of resilience. When we learn to respond to disappointments with acceptance, we give ourselves the space to realize that all our experiences - good and bad alike - are opportunities to learn and grow. This itself is an act of love.

Wholehearted acceptance is a basic element of love, starting with love for ourselves, and a gateway to joy. Through the practices of lovingkindness and self-compassion, we can learn to love oir flawed and imperfect selves. And in those moments of vulnerability, we open our hearts to connect with each other, as well. We are no perfect, but we are enough.

In conscious relationships, we set the intention to investigate the old stories we tell ourselves and our habits of thinking and behaviour. Practically speaking, this means that we take responsibility for our actions and reactions, as well as defensive strategies such as withdrawing, keeping secrets, or blaming someone else for our suffering.

We have to know ourselves to know where we end and another person begins, and we have to develop the skills to navigate the space between us. Or else we will seek wholeness through false means that honor neither ur nor those we love.

Without equanimity, we might give love to others only in the effort to bridge, inevitable and healthy space it always exist between two people. Or we might give love to others because we think it's what they want – and end up feeling self judging as a result equanimity is ingredient that brings us clarity and calm relationship to navigating the space between, as we are able to release the idea of rejection and clinging as the only two possible moments of engaging in a loving relationship.

The key in letting go is practice. Each time we let go, we disentangle ourselves from our expectations and begin to experience things as they are. We can be with. We can show ourselves repeatedly that letting go is actually a healthy foundation upon which we can open up to real love – to giving, receiving, and experiencing authentically and organically.

recognizing that there are many possible forms of forgiveness enables us to explore the possibilities of her forgiveness, and what we need to forgive. When we respond to our pain and suffering with love, understanding, and acceptance – for ourselves, as well as per others – overtime, we can let go of our anger, even when we've been hurt to the core. But that doesn't mean we ever forget.

If we stretch ourselves open our mind, to see our shared humanity with others, we allow ourselves to see the existence of community generosity in unexpected places. We just need to challenge ourselves to opt for the path that may take a little more effort, but it actually helps us let go of our condition resistances.

often we're so caught up in stories playing out in her minds that we miss Precious opportunities to connect with others that would've rich our days, as well as theirs.

instead of gripping tightly to a fixed idea of how things are and how they should be, we train our mind to hold onto notions lightly and begin each day ready to explore.

The more we cultivate mindfulness, the more clearly we see and appreciate what's right in front of us, Yuen caught by judgement or expectations. And the more we cherish the life around us, the more we cherish ourselves. It's a powerful equation