Attached

Name: Attached
Rating: 4.5 (1 reviews)
ISBN: 9781101475164

The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find and Keep Love

By Amir Levine,Rachel Heller

Amir Levine and Rachel Heller apply adult attachment research to the everyday experiences of adult relationships, explaining how anxious, avoidant, and secure styles shape the way people seek closeness, respond to conflict, and read a partner's signals. Practical sections help readers identify their own style and their partner's, understand why the anxious-avoidant pairing is so common and so difficult to escape, and develop the communication habits associated with secure attachment.

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Concepts

Secure Attachment
Finds it easy to get close to others, comfortable depending on them, and them depending on you. Don't worry about being abandoned or someone getting too close to you.
Anxious Preoccupied
Fear rejection and abandonement, often feel others are reluctant to get as close as you'd like, worry partner doesn't really love you, tend to become overly needy or clingy when they feel unappreciated.
Dismissive Avoidant
Fear engulfment and loss of self, somewhat uncomfortable being close to others, difficulty trusting others completely, struggle to allow others to depend on them. Becomes nervous when someone gets too close, often their partners want more intimacy then they are comfortable with.
Protest Behaviour
Any action that aims to reestablish contact with your partner, to get their attention to reconnect.
Activating Strategies
Often consumed with thoughts to reestablish closeness and connection with their partner.
Deactivating Strategies
Any behaviour or thought that is used to reduce intimacy or create emotional distance with their partner.
Flaw Find
Quick to see negative in their partner, tendency to oversee the good things about them.
Purse-Withdraw Trap
When one partner seeks intimacy, other partner feels uncomfortable with closeness so pulls away, which causes partner seeking intimacy to pursue causing cycle of one partner pursing and other partner withdrawing.

Chapters

Introduction. The New Science of Adult Attachmewnt
Chapter 1. Decoding Relationship Behaviour
Chapter 2. Dependency Is Not a Bad Word
Part 1. Your Relationship Toolkit - Deciphering Attachment Styles
Chapter 3. Step One - What is My Attachment Style?
Chapter 4. Step Two - What Is My Partner's Style?
Part 2. The Three Attachment Styles in Everyday Life
Chapter 5. Living with a Sixth Sense of Danger - The Anxious Attachment Style
Chapter 6. Keeping Love at Arm's Length - The Avoidant Attachment Style
Chapter 7. Getting Comfortably Close - The Secure Attachment Style
Part 3. When Attachment Styles Clash
Chapter 8. The Anxious-Avoidant Trap
Chapter 9. Escaping the Anxious-Avoidant Trap - How the Anxious-Avoidant Couple Can Find Greater Security
Chapter 10. When Abnormal Becomes the Norm - An Attachment Guide to Breaking Up
Part 4. The Secure Way - Sharpening Your Relationship Skills
Chapter 11. Effective Communication - Getting the Message Across
Chapter 12. Working Things Out - Five Secure Principles for Dealing with Conflict
Epilogue
Acknowledgements