The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert
By John Gottman,Nan Silver

Drawing on long-term observational research with hundreds of couples, John Gottman identifies the specific behaviors and habits that distinguish stable, happy marriages from those that end in divorce or chronic unhappiness. The book presents seven principles — deepening friendship, nurturing fondness and admiration, turning toward bids for connection, accepting influence, solving solvable problems, overcoming gridlock, and creating shared meaning — each paired with practical exercises. It also explains the early warning signs that reliably predict relationship failure.

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Concepts
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  • Love Maps
    A partner's mental map of the other's inner world — their dreams, worries, preferences, and history; deepening Love Maps is Principle 1.
  • Emotional Bids
    Small moments when a partner reaches out for connection (a comment, a touch, a glance); consistently turning toward these bids builds trust and intimacy.
  • Positive Sentiment Override
    A state in which accumulated goodwill causes partners to interpret ambiguous actions charitably rather than negatively.
  • Perpetual vs. Solvable Problems
    Gottman's distinction between conflicts rooted in fundamental personality differences (perpetual, requiring acceptance) and those with practical solutions.
  • Shared Meaning
    The couple's sense of shared rituals, goals, and narrative that creates a deeper partnership identity beyond day-to-day problem-solving.
Chapters
  • Introduction
  • Chapter 1. Inside the Seattle Love Lab - The Truth About Happy Marriages
  • Chapter 2. How I Predict Divorce
  • Chapter 3. Principle 1 - Enhance Your Love Maps
  • Chapter 4. Principle 2 - Nurture Your Fondness and Admiration
  • Chapter 5. Principle 3 - Turn Toward Each Other Instead of Away
  • Chapter 6. Principle 4 - Let Your Partner Influence You
  • Chapter 7. Principle 5 - Solve Your Solvable Problems
  • Chapter 8. Principle 6 - Overcome Gridlock
  • Chapter 9. Principle 7 - Create Shared Meaning
  • Chapter 10. What Now?
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Published
  • May 5, 2015
Publisher
  • Harmony
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