Making Marriage Simple
10 Truths for Changing the Relationship You Have Into the One You Want
By Harville Hendrix,Helen LaKelly Hunt
Concepts
- S.M.A.R.T.
- Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, Time-limited
- Imago Dialogue
- Hendrix and Hunt's three-step structured conversation process of Mirroring (repeating back what was heard), Validation (acknowledging the partner's logic), and Empathizing (identifying what they might be feeling), designed to replace reactive argument with genuine understanding.
- Maximizer-MinimizerHendrix and Hunt's framework describing how partners in a power struggle tend to occupy opposite poles -
- Maximizers escalate and push for connection (like a hailstorm), while Minimizers withdraw and contain (like a turtle), each triggering the other's deepest fears.
- Negativity as Invisible Abuse
- The book's argument that constant criticism, complaints, and contemptuous communication erode the relational foundation as surely as obvious mistreatment does, making zero negativity a foundational practice rather than a nicety.
- Behaviour Change RequestA structured tool for expressing unmet needs -
- the sender names a specific frustration, identifies the underlying wish, and asks for a concrete, observable behavior change rather than a vague improvement.
Chapters
- Acknowledgements
- Introduction. Congratulations, You Are Part of Something Really Big
- How To Use This Book
- Truth 1. Romantic Love Is a Trick
- Truth 2. Incompatibility Is Grounds for Marriage
- Truth 3. Conflict Is Growth Trying to Happen
- Truth 4. Being Present for Each Other Heals the Past
- Truth 5. It's Not What You Say; It's How You Say It
- Truth 6. Negativity Is Invisible Abuse
- Truth 7. Nagativity Is a Wish in Disguise
- Truth 8. Your Brain Has a Mind of Its Own
- Truth 9. Your Marriage Is a Laughing Matter
- Truth 10. Your Marriage Is the Best Life Insurance Plan
- Afterword. The Relationship Revolution
- The Exercise Program
Rating
Topics
- Marriage, Relationships, Partnership Marriage, Romantic Love, Power Struggle, Stopping The Cycle, Reliving Childhood, Maximizer-Minimizer, Hailstorm-Turtle, Pursue-Withdraw Trap, Stretching Principle, Being Present, Safe Space, Space Between, Spring Cleaning, Imago Dialogue Process, Mirroring, Validation, Empathizing, Critical Thinking, Constructive Criticism, Sharing Appreciation, Ritual of Appreciations, Negativity, Unmet Needs, Sender Responsibility, Ask Appointment, Describe Frustation, Smart Request, Behaviour Change Request, Turtle-Crocodile, Hailstorm-Crocodile, Apologizing, Laughter, Oxytocin, Bedroom Benefits, Re-Connection, Re-Commit, Relationship Revolution, Upstream Prevention, Couplehood, Then and Now, Dialing In Joy, Train Your Brain, Misses and Wishes, Cleraning for the Between
Published
- April 1, 2014
Publisher
- Harmony