Loving Like You Mean It

Use the Power of Emotional Mindfulness to Transform Your Relationships
By Ronald J. Frederick

Ronald Frederick explains how early attachment experiences train people to protect themselves from emotions—the very shield that blocks the genuine connection they want in relationships. Grounded in neuroscience and attachment theory, the book walks readers through four steps of emotional mindfulness: recognize and name the feeling, stop and stay with it instead of shutting down, pause and reflect on what is happening, and then engage more openly with a partner. The final section shows what this rewiring looks like in real relational situations, from conflict to vulnerability.

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Concepts
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  • Four Steps of Emotional Mindfulness
    Recognize and name the feeling, stop and stay with it, pause and reflect on what is happening, then mindfully relate to your partner.
  • Attachment Style
    The emotional blueprint formed in early relationships (secure, anxious, avoidant, or fearful-avoidant) that shapes how a person responds to closeness and conflict in adult relationships.
  • Self-Directed Neuroplasticity
    Using intentional practices to rewire the brain's emotional responses, gradually replacing protective shutdown habits with more open and connected ways of relating.
  • Reparenting
    The process of giving yourself the emotional attunement and comfort you may not have received in childhood, in order to update the nervous system's responses in present-day relationships.
Chapters
  • Introduction
  • Part 1. How We're Wired
  • Chapter 1. Making Sense of How You're Wired
  • Chapter 2. You've Got to Have Style
  • Part 2. Updating Our Wiring
  • Chapter 3. Step One - Recognize and Name
  • Chapter 4. Step Two - Stop, Drop, and Stay
  • Chapter 5. Step Three - Pause and Reflect
  • Chapter 6. Step Four - Mindfully Relate
  • Part 3. Rewiring in Action
  • Chapter 7. Feeling and Dealing
  • Closing. Becoming Real
  • Appendix. Seeking Professional Help
  • Acknowledgements
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Published
  • April 30, 2019
Publisher
  • Central Recovery Press
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