I Want This to Work

Name: I Want This to Work
Rating: 5 (1 reviews)
ISBN: 9781683647966

An Inclusive Guide to Navigating the Most Difficult Relationship Issues We Face in the Modern Age

By Elizabeth Earnshaw

Elizabeth Earnshaw, a Gottman-trained therapist, structures the book around three movements: assessing what is not working, rebuilding connection, and growing together over time. She covers attachment styles, the role of family history, boundary-setting across multiple domains, mindset shifts that reduce reactivity, and scripts for navigating hard conversations. Written to be inclusive of diverse relationship structures, the book translates research-backed therapy concepts into accessible exercises that couples can work through on their own.

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Concepts

Assess-Connect-Grow
Earnshaw's three-part structure: first honestly evaluating the relationship's current state, then rebuilding connection, then creating conditions for ongoing shared growth.
Four Horsemen
Gottman's four communication patterns most predictive of relationship breakdown: criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt — each with specific antidotes.
Interdependence
The healthy balance between autonomy and closeness that Earnshaw positions as the goal of relational maturity, distinct from both enmeshment and emotional isolation.
Boundary Types
Earnshaw's taxonomy of the different domains where boundaries operate—emotional, physical, temporal, intellectual, material, and sexual—each requiring its own clarity and negotiation.
Hot Conversations
A structured approach to the high-stakes discussions most couples avoid, using specific communication scripts to stay regulated and productive rather than defensive or shut down.

Chapters

Introduction
Part 1. Assess
Chapter 1. Why It's Not Working
Chapter 2. Interdependence - The Gold Standard
Part 2. Connect
Chapter 3. The Current State of Affairs
Chapter 4. Looking Back to Move Forward
Chapter 5. It Can Start With You
Chapter 6. Boundaries - Creating the Space That Makes It Safe to Connect
Chapter 7. Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Relationship
Chapter 8. Just-Right Communication
Chapter 9. Hot Conversations
Chapter 10. Clearing the Path
Part 3. Grow
Chapter 11. The Path Forward
Conclusion. A Gathering
Acknowledgements
Appendix. Communication Scripts

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Rating

Topics

Relationships, Marriage, Interdependence, Dependency, Independence, Good Speaker, Good Listener, Infatuation, Realization, Tension, Acceptance, Protest Polka, Respect, Responsiveness, Reliability, Family Matters, Growing Up, Attachment Theory, Avoidant Attachment, Anxious Attachment, Withholding, Willfulness, Distancing, Expectations, Boundaries, Internal Boundaries, External Boundaries, Physical Boundaries, Emotional Boundaries, Interactional Boundaries, Temporal Boundaries, Sexual Boundaries, Intellectual Boundaries, Material Boundaries, Boundary Challenges, Mindfulness, Self-Compassion, Nonjudgmental, Curious, Observant, Human Needs, Survival Needs, Belonging Needs, Meaning Needs, Self-Development Needs, Mindset Shifts, Self-Aware, Four Horsemen, Criticism, Defensiveness, Stonewalling, Contempt, Fault Collecting, Halting Conversation, Attending to Needs, Repairing, Debriefing, Hard Conversations, Forgiveness, Apologizing, Responsibility, Remorse, Reflection, Repair, Request, Plan, Relationship Rituals, Win-win Agreements, Nurtured Intimacy, Goal Support, Meaning Making, Experiential Intimacy, Intellectual Intimacy, Spiritual Intimacy, Physical Intimacy, Sexual Intimacy, Emotional Intimacy, Goal Support, Meaning Making, Transcendence

Published

November 30, 2021

Publisher

Sounds True

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