How Can I Get Through to You?

Closing the Intimacy Gap Between Men and Women
By Terrence Real

Terrence Real traces the intimacy gap between men and women to what he calls "psychological patriarchy"—the cultural conditioning that teaches men to disengage and women to accommodate, leaving both feeling alone. Drawing on case studies from his therapy practice, Real identifies how control, revenge, and resignation quietly erode passion, and then builds a practical path forward: relational esteem, speaking and listening with skill, honest negotiation, and the daily practice of staying genuinely connected.

Buy on Amazon
Quotes
Concepts
  • Psychological Patriarchy
    Terrence Real's term for the cultural conditioning that teaches men to disconnect from feelings and women to subordinate their needs, leaving both isolated even in committed relationships.
  • Relational Esteem
    The capacity to value yourself not just as an individual but as a partner within a relationship — distinct from self-esteem, and a key target for growth in Real's approach.
  • Love's Assassins
    Three patterns Real identifies as the main destroyers of passion in relationships: control (coercion and criticism), revenge (passive or active payback), and resignation (giving up without leaving).
  • Speaking Relationally
    Learning to frame communication in terms of connection and impact rather than in the logical, task-oriented language men are often conditioned to use.
  • Relational Integrity
    Living in alignment with your values within the relationship — keeping agreements, owning impact, and being honest — as the foundation of sustainable intimacy.
Chapters
  • Introduction
  • Chapter 1. Love On The Ropes - Men and Women in Crisis
  • Chapter 2. Echo Speaks - Empowering the Woman
  • Chapter 3. bringing Men in from the Cold
  • Chapter 4. Psychological Patriarchy - The Dance of Contempt
  • Chapter 5. The Third Ring - A Conspiracy of Silence
  • Chapter 6. The Unspeakable Pain of Collusion
  • Chapter 7. Narcissus Resigns - An Unconventional Therapy
  • Chapter 8. Small Murders - How We Lose Passion
  • Chapter 9. A New Model of Love
  • Chapter 10. Recovering Real Passion
  • Chapter 11. Love's Assassins - Control, Revenge, and Resignation
  • Chapter 12. Intimacy as a Daily Practice
  • Chapter 13. Relational Esteem
  • Chapter 14. Learning to Speak Relationally
  • Chapter 15. Learning to Listen - Scanniong for the Postive
  • Chapter 16. Staying the Course - Negotiation and Integrity
  • Chapter 17. What It Takes to Love
  • Endnotes
image
Rating
Topics
Published
  • May 11, 2010
Publisher
  • Simon and Schuster
Links
Related Books