His Needs, Her Needs

Building an Affair-Proof Marriage
By Willard F. Harley, Jr.

Willard Harley argues that affairs are not primarily about attraction but about unmet emotional needs, and he identifies ten core needs— ranging from affection and intimate conversation to admiration and recreational companionship—that husbands and wives typically prioritize differently. The book explains how consistently meeting a partner's top needs builds a "Love Bank" balance that makes a marriage naturally affair-resistant. Questionnaires and inventories help couples pinpoint their own needs and take practical steps toward meeting each other's.

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Concepts
  • Love Bank
    Harley's model where every interaction either deposits or withdraws emotional credit; a full Love Bank sustains attraction, while a depleted one creates vulnerability to affairs.
  • Ten Emotional Needs
    The core needs Harley identifies that couples must understand and meet for each other: affection, sexual fulfillment, intimate conversation, recreational companionship, honesty, physical attractiveness, financial support, domestic support, family commitment, and admiration.
  • His Needs vs. Her Needs
    The observation that men and women tend to prioritize different needs from the same list, leading to unintentional neglect even in well-meaning relationships.
  • Affair-Proofing
    The idea that consistently meeting a partner's top emotional needs removes the primary conditions under which people become vulnerable to affairs.
  • Recreational Companionship
    One of the top needs for many men: having a partner who genuinely engages in leisure activities together, building friendship and connection outside of household and parenting roles.
Chapters
  • Preface
  • Introduction
  • Chapter 1. How Affair-Proof Is Your Marriage?
  • Chapter 2. Why Your Love Bank Never Closes
  • Chapter 3. The First Thing She Can't Do Without—Affection
  • Chapter 4. The First Thing He Can't Do Without—Sexual Fulfillment
  • Chapter 5. The Second Thing She Can't Do Without—Intimate Conversation
  • Chapter 6. The Second Thing He Can't Do Without—Recreational Companionship
  • Chapter 7. She Needs to Trust Him Totally—Honesty and Openness
  • Chapter 8. He Needs a Good-Looking Wife—Physical Attractiveness
  • Chapter 9. She Needs Enough Money to Live Comfortably—Financial Support
  • Chapter 10. He Needs Peace and Quiet—Domestic Support
  • Chapter 11. She Needs Him to Be a Good Father—Family Commitment
  • Chapter 12. He Needs Her to Be Proud of Him—Admiration
  • Chapter 13. How to Survive an Affair
  • Chapter 14. From Incompatible to Irresistible
  • Appendix A. The Most Important Emotional Needs
  • Appendix B. Emotional Needs Questionnaire
  • Appendix C. Recreational Enjoyment Inventory
  • Appendix D. Financial Support Inventory
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Publisher
  • Revell
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