Eight Dates

Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
By John Gottman,Julie Schwartz Gottman,Doug Abrams,Rachel Carlton Abrams

Drawing on decades of relationship research, John and Julie Gottman along with their co-authors structure eight essential conversations — covering trust, conflict, sex, money, family, fun, spirituality, and shared dreams — as intentional date nights couples can put on the calendar. Each date includes context on why the topic matters, guided open-ended questions, and listening skills to help partners approach subjects that often go unaddressed until they become serious problems.

Buy on Amazon
Concepts
  • Eight Essential Conversations
    A structured set of intentional dialogues covering trust, conflict, sex, money, family, fun, spirituality, and shared dreams — topics couples need to revisit throughout a relationship.
  • Attunement
    Genuine, focused attention to a partner's inner world; the book identifies it as a core skill underlying the ability to have difficult conversations productively.
  • Perpetual Problems vs. Solvable Problems
    Gottman's distinction between gridlocked issues rooted in fundamental differences (which must be managed, not solved) and practical problems that have workable solutions.
  • Connection Rituals
    Regular, intentional practices that sustain friendship and emotional closeness, including the deliberate date night structure the book itself provides.
  • Open-Ended Questions
    Questions that invite a partner to share their inner experience without being led toward a particular answer, used throughout the book to open rather than close conversation.
Chapters
  • The Conversations That Matter
  • Your Date Night
  • The Four Skills Of Intimate Conversations
  • The Art Of Listening
  • Date 1. Lean On Me - Trust & Commitment
  • Date 2. Agree To Disgree - Addressing Conflict
  • Date 3. Let's Get it On - Sex & Intimacy
  • Date 4. The Cost Of Love - Work & Money
  • Date 5. Room To Grow - Family
  • Date 6. Play With Me - Fun & Adventure
  • Date 7. Something To Believe In - Growth & Spirituality
  • Date 8. A Lifetime Of Love - Dreams
  • Conclusions. Cherish Each Other
  • Appendix. More Open-Ended Questions
  • Bonus Date Night Exercise
image
Rating
Topics
Published
  • February 5, 2019
Publisher
  • Workman Publishing
Links
Related Books