Communicate Your Feelings (without starting a fight)

What to Say and What Not to Say to Your Partner
By Nic Saluppo

Nic Saluppo teaches thirteen specific communication techniques for expressing feelings to a partner without triggering defensiveness or escalating conflict. The techniques are grouped into four areas: language that avoids escalation, clarifying thoughts and feelings, owning mistakes, and responding well to a partner’s emotions. Each is explained with clear examples and paired with a workbook exercise for immediate practice.

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Concepts
  • Thirteen Communication Techniques
    A set of specific, named language tools (e.g., "When...", "I feel...", "I was wrong", "Let them be upset with you") for expressing feelings without triggering defensiveness.
  • I-Statements
    Framing emotional expression around your own experience ("I feel hurt") rather than accusations ("You always...") to reduce partner defensiveness.
  • Escalation Language
    Words and phrases that predictably trigger a partner's fight-or-flight response, escalating rather than resolving emotional moments.
  • Owning Mistakes
    Taking clear, unqualified responsibility for your actions ("I was wrong" / "I'm sorry") as a foundation for genuine repair rather than defensive justification.
  • Setting a Boundary
    Communicating a clear limit in response to a partner's behavior without blame or threat, as part of healthy emotional exchange.
Chapters
  • Introduction
  • Part 1. Avoiding Language that Provokes Escalation
  • Chapter 1. Commnication Technique 1 - When
  • Chapter 2. Commnication Technique 2 - I Would Like
  • Chapter 3. Commnication Technique 3 - I Feel Angry
  • Chapter 4. Commnication Technique 4 - This Is Challenging For Me
  • Part 2. Clarifying Your Thoughts And Feelings
  • Chapter 5. Commnication Technique 5 - I Think And I Feel
  • Chapter 6. Commnication Technique 6 - I Feel
  • Part 3. When You've Made A Mistake
  • Chapter 7. Commnication Technique 7 - I Was Wrong
  • Chapter 8. Commnication Technique 8 - I'm Sorry
  • Part 4. Responding To Your Partner's Feelings
  • Chapter 9. Commnication Technique 9 - It's Great You're Letting This Out
  • Chapter 10. Commnication Technique 10 - Let Them Be Upset With You
  • Chapter 11. Commnication Technique 11 - Set A Boundary
  • Chapter 12. Commnication Technique 12 - I'm Happy You Want To Improve
  • Chapter 13. Commnication Technique 13 - Examine Both Sides
  • Summary
  • Workbook
  • One Last Thing
  • Get In Touch
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Published
  • October 28, 2020
Publisher
  • Independently Published
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