Come as You Are

Name: Come as You Are
Rating: 4.5 (1 reviews)
ISBN: 9781925228014

The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life

By Emily Nagoski

Emily Nagoski draws on current sex research to explain how women's desire, arousal, and orgasm actually work — and why wide individual variation is normal rather than a sign of something wrong. She introduces the dual control model of sexual response, which identifies both the accelerators and brakes that shape arousal, and examines how stress, emotional context, self-compassion, and attachment all influence a woman's experience. The aim is to help women understand their own bodies clearly and build a sex life that fits who they actually are.

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Concepts

Dual Control Model
A framework explaining sexual response as driven by both an accelerator (what turns you on) and brakes (what inhibits arousal), each varying significantly by person.
Nonconcordance
The finding that genital response and subjective desire frequently don't match — physical arousal does not necessarily signal wanting sex.
Sexual Temperament
An individual's particular balance of accelerator sensitivity and brake sensitivity, shaped by biology and experience, explaining why people respond so differently to the same stimuli.
Meta-Emotions
Feelings about your feelings (e.g., shame about desire, anxiety about pleasure) that profoundly shape sexual experience and can be identified and shifted.
Context
The emotional, relational, and environmental conditions in which arousal occurs; the most powerful factor in determining whether sex feels good or not.

Chapters

Introduction. Yes, You Are Normal
Part 1. The (Not-So-Basics) Basics
Chapter 1. Anatomy - No Two Alike
Chapter 2. The Dual Control Model - Your Sexual Personality
Part 2. Sex In Context
Chapter 3. Context - And the "One Ring" (to Rule Them All) in Your Emotional Brain
Chapter 4. Emotional Context - Sexy in a Monkey Brain
Chapter 5. Cultural Context - A Sex-Positive Life in a Sex-Negative World
Part 3. Sex In Action
Chapter 6. Arousal - Lubrication Is Not Causation
Chapter 7. Desire = Actually, It's Not a Drive
Part 4. Ectasy For Everybody
Chapter 8. Orgasm - The Fantastic Bonus
Chapter 9. Meta-Emotions - The Ultimate Sex-Positive Context
Conclusion. You Are the Secret Ingredient