Boundaries in Marriage

Understanding the Choices That Make or Break Loving Relationships
By Henry Cloud,John Townsend

Henry Cloud and John Townsend apply their boundary framework directly to marriage, arguing that most marital conflict arises when partners fail to take ownership of their own feelings and choices while trying to control each other’s. The book outlines ten laws of boundaries, explores six types of recurring marital conflict, and addresses how to navigate a relationship with a boundary-resistant spouse. The approach is grounded in a Christian framework and centers on freedom, responsibility, and mutual respect.

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Concepts
  • Law of Sowing and Reaping
    Our actions have consequences.
  • Law of Responsibility
    We are responsible to each other, but not for each other.
  • Law of Power
    We have no power over the attitudes and actions of other people.
  • Law of Respect
    If we wish for others to respect our boundaries, we need to respect theirs.
  • Law of Motivation
    We must be free to say no before we can wholeheartedly say yes.
  • Law of Evaluation
    We need to evaluate the pain our boundaries cause others.
  • Law of Proactivity
    We take action to solve problems based on our values, wants, and needs.
  • Law of Envy
    We will never get what we want if we focus on our boundaries on what others have.
  • Law of Activity
    We need to take the initative to solve our problems rather then being passive.
  • Law of Exposure
    We need to communicate our boundaries to each other.
Chapters
  • A Tale of Two Couples
  • Part 1. Understanding Boundaries
  • Chapter 1. What's a Boundary, Anyway?
  • Chapter 2. Applying the Ten Laws of Boundaries to Marriage
  • Chapter 3. Settings Boundaries with Yourself - Becoming More Loveable
  • Part 2. Building Boundaries in Marriage
  • Chapter 4. It Takes Two to Make One
  • Chapter 5. What You Value is What You'll Have
  • Chapter 6. Value One - Love of God
  • Chapter 7. Value Two - Love Your Spouse
  • Chapter 8. Value Three - Honesty
  • Chapter 9. Value Four - Faithfulness
  • Chapter 10. Value Five - Compassion and Forgiveness
  • Chapter 11. Value Six - Holiness
  • Part 3. Resolving Conflict in Marriage
  • Chapter 12. Three's a Crowd - Protecting Your Marriage from Intruders
  • Chapter 13. Six Kinds of Conflict
  • Chapter 14. Resolving Conflict with a Boundary-Loving Spouse
  • Chapter 15. Resolving Conflict with a Boundary-Resistant Spouse
  • Part 4. Misunderstanding Boundaries in Marriage
  • Chapter 16. Avoiding the Misuse of Boundaries in Marriage
  • Conclusion
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Published
  • August 12, 2002
Publisher
  • Zondervan
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