Before You Split

Find What You Really Want for the Future of Your Marriage
By Toni Nieuwhof

Written for people who feel close to giving up on their marriage, this book helps readers examine whether they truly want to split, survive, or save the relationship before making any irreversible decision. Toni Nieuwhof addresses the roots of disconnection — unrealistic expectations, resentment, and a victim mindset — and offers steps toward forgiveness, reduced conflict, and renewed intimacy. The book also looks honestly at how ongoing marital conflict affects children and what it means to build a lasting legacy through commitment.

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Concepts
  • Split, Survive, or Save
    A decision framework that asks couples to honestly identify what they actually want before making irreversible choices about their marriage.
  • Victim Mindset
    The pattern of placing all blame for a marriage's problems on the other partner, which blocks personal accountability and real change.
  • Steps of Forgiveness
    A deliberate process for releasing resentment, not because the offense was acceptable, but as a path back toward connection and healing.
  • Legacy
    The idea that a couple's choices about their marriage echo forward into their children's and family's future, making commitment a multigenerational act.
  • Unrealistic Expectations
    Assumptions about what a marriage should provide or how a partner should behave that quietly fuel disappointment and disconnection.
Chapters
  • Note To Reader
  • Part 1. I Can't Do This Anymore
  • Chapter 1. Is There Really No Way Our Of Stuck?
  • Chapter 2. "It's Not My Fault"
  • Chapter 3. "I'm Not being Unrealistic, Right?"
  • Chapter 4. Split, Survive, or Save - What Do You Really Want?
  • Part 2. So Let's Change This
  • Chapter 5. How To Move Closer Instead Of Moving On
  • Chapter 6. Stop Fighting! How To make Peace, Starting Now
  • Chapter 7. Youu Conflict Affects Your Kids More Than You realize
  • Chapter 8. Where Could Steps of Forgiveness Take You?
  • Part 3. Toward Your Way Better Future
  • Chapter 9. Don't Play It Safe
  • Chapter 10. Find The Fun And Intimacy You've Been Missing
  • Chapter 11. The Company You Keep
  • Chapter 12. Legacy - How Your Yes Echoes Into Your (And Your Family's) Future
  • Acknowledgments
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Published
  • January 12, 2021
Publisher
  • WaterBrook
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