Wired for Love

How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship
By Stan Tatkin

Stan Tatkin applies neuroscience, attachment theory, and polyvagal theory to help couples understand why each partner responds to closeness and conflict so differently. The book introduces the “couple bubble” — a mutual agreement to prioritize each other’s security — and explains three attachment styles Tatkin calls anchors, islands, and waves. Ten practical principles cover daily connection rituals, how to fight without either partner losing, and how to use eye contact and physical presence to regulate each other’s nervous systems and rebuild security.

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Concepts
  • Couple Bubble
    Tatkin's term for the mutual agreement between partners to prioritize each other's security and wellbeing above all outside relationships, forming a protected inner world.
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  • Launching and Landing
    Daily rituals at separation (launching) and reunion (landing) that signal safety and priority to a partner's nervous system, reinforcing the couple bubble.
  • Fighting Smart
    Tatkin's approach to conflict in which both partners agree to fight in ways that keep the relationship safe — no one wins unless both win.
Chapters
  • Chapter 1. The Couple Bubble - How You Can Keep Each Other Safe and Secure
  • Chapter 2. The Warring/Loving Brain - How You Can Keep the Love Alive
  • Chapter 3. Know Your Partner - How Does He or She Really Work?
  • Chapter 4. Becoming Experts on One Another - How to Please and Soothe Your Partner
  • Chapter 5. Launchings and Landings - How to Use Morning and Bedtime Rituals
  • Chapter 6. The Go-To People - How to Remain Available to One Another
  • Chapter 7. Protecting the Couple Bubble - How to Include Outsiders
  • Chapter 8. Fighting Well - How to Win by Letting Your Partner Win, Too
  • Chapter 9. Love Is Up Close - How to Rekindle Love Through Eye Contact
  • Chapter 10. Live a Happier, Healthier Life - How Your Partnership Can Heal You
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Published
  • January 2, 2012
Publisher
  • New Harbinger Publications
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