Quotes
Concepts
- Withholding
- Keeping feelings, needs, or resentments unexpressed, which quietly erodes the relationship; the cold smoldering beneath conflict.
- Generosity of Spirit
- The ongoing choice to give goodwill, attention, and care to a partner as the foundation of a healthy marriage.
- Infatuation vs. Mature Love
- The sparkle of a new relationship is temporary; real lasting love develops only after infatuation cools.
- Separateness and Togetherness
- A thriving marriage requires both deep connection and room for each partner to have an independent life.
- Commitment as a Practice
- Commitment is not a one-time vow but an ongoing, daily process of choosing the relationship.
Chapters
- Acknowledgments
- Foreword by Kathlyn and Gay Hendricks
- Introduction
- 1. Great relationships don't just happen; they are created.
- 2. Vulnerability is disarming.
- 3. If your job gets your best energy, your marriage will wither.
- 4. One of the greatest gifts you can give your partner is your own happiness.
- 5. There's a difference between judging and being judgmental.
- 6. It's possible to hate and love someone at the same time.
- 7. When you complain about your partner to your friends, remember that their feedback is based upon distorted information.
- 8. The only rules in a marriage are those to which you both choose to agree.
- 9. Commitment isn't a prison; it's a means to greater freedom.
- 10. It isn't conflict that destroys marriages; it's the cold, smoldering resentment that is bred by withholding.
- 11. If you choose monogamy, keep your agreement.
- 12. It's not what you've got; it's what you do with it.
- 13. Even good marriages have recurring seasons, and there can be some hard winters.
- 14. Your primary relationship is with your partner, not your children.
- 15. If you think you're too good for your partner, think again.
- 16. Growing up in a happy family doesn't ensure a good marriage, and growing up in an unhappy family doesn't preclude having one.
- 17. It's never too late to repair damaged trust.
- 18. Secrets are lies.
- 19. Sex can improve with age.
- 20. If you're keeping pace with the people around you, you're probably moving too fast.
- 21. If you can't be happy without your partner, you won't be happy together.
- 22. Marriage is like yoga.
- 23. The prince isn't going to come.
- 24. Getting help when you are unable to work things out isn't a sign of weakness; it's a sign of intelligence.
- 25. One person, no matter how much they love you, cannot meet all of your emotional needs.
- 26. Love isn't always enough to sustain a marriage.
- 27. True intimacy can exist only between equals.
- 28. The real issue is usually not the one you're arguing about.
- 29. Love isn't just a feeling; it's an action that shows our caring.
- 30. Expectations set us up for resentment.
- 31. Arguments can't be avoided, but destructive ones can.
- 32. One of the greatest gifts we can give our partner is focused attention.
- 33. Even people with great marriages sometimes wonder whether they might have married the wrong person.
- 34. Your partner cannot rescue you from unhappiness, but they can help you to rescue yourself.
- 35. The cost of a lie is far greater than any advantage you gain from speaking it.
- 36. Even the best marriages have irreconcilable differences.
- 37. Your opinion is not the truth.
- 38. Vacations are necessities, not luxuries.
- 39. Trust takes years to establish and moments to destroy.
- 40. Ultimatums and threats do more harm than good.
- 41. Guilt-tripping won't get you what you really want.
- 42. Give what you want to receive.
- 43. Don't neglect your friends just because you've acquired a spouse.
- 44. If you think, "You're not the person I married," you're probably right.
- 45. Resisting the temptation to prove your point will win you a lot of points.
- 46. What you judge in your partner is a reflection of what you judge in yourself.
- 47. Your partner is your teacher and your student.
- 48. Commitment is not a one-time event; it's an ongoing process.
- 49. Generosity of spirit is the foundation of great relationships.
- 50. If your partner is being defensive, you may be giving them reason to be.
- 51. Marriage isn't 50/50; it's 100/100.
- 52. Trust can be rebuilt, even after a painful betrayal, but it may require hard work.
- 53. You can pay now or you can pay later, but the later you pay, the more penalties and interest you accrue.
- 54. The cheap thrill you get from putting down your partner isn't so cheap.
- 55. Marriage does require sacrifice, but what you stand to gain is infinitely greater than what you give up.
- 56. Good sex doesn't necessarily make a marriage great, but it sure helps.
- 57. Forgiveness isn't a one-time event; it's a process.
- 58. Even the tiniest spark can reignite the fire of love.
- 59. If you find out what your partner wants and help them get it, you'll both be happier.
- 60. Marriage alone does not make you a better person, but accepting its challenges does.
- 61. Creating a great marriage generally takes more time and effort than it seems it should.
- 62. Creating a marriage is like launching a rocket- once it clears the pull of gravity, it takes much less energy to sustain the flight.
- 63. Being attracted to someone else doesn't diminish the quality of your marriage; acting on that attraction does.
- 64. A successful marriage has more to do with how you deal with your current reality than what you experienced in the past.
- 65. In order for it to thrive, love requires separateness as well as togetherness.
- 66. We all have a terminal diagnosis.
- 67. Don't keep feelings of gratitude to yourself.
- 68. Knowing where your lines are and being willing to draw them serves your partner as well as yourself.
- 69. You don't have to be able to love well to get married; the training occurs on the job.
- 70. Privacy won't hurt your marriage, but secrecy will.
- 71. Possessiveness and jealousy are born out of fear, not love.
- 72. Facing your fears builds strength; avoiding them diminishes it.
- 73. Authenticity is contagious and habit-forming.
- 74. Don't say anything about your partner that you're not willing to say to them.
- 75. Your greatest weakness can become your greatest strength.
- 76. Of all the benefits of marriage, the greatest is the possibility of using this relationship to become a more loving person.
- 77. If your partner thinks something is important, it is!
- 78. Marriages never outgrow the need for romance.
- 79. The sparkle of a new relationship is always temporary.
- 80. There is violence in silence when it's used as a weapon.
- 81. There's a difference between sex and intimacy.
- 82. It's better to focus on what you can do to make things right than on what your partner did to make things wrong.
- 83. The fire of infatuation has to cool before mature love can develop.
- 84. Nothing deadens sexual desire faster than unresolved differences.
- 85. The biggest risk is in not risking.
- 86. If you think marriage counseling is too expensive, try divorce.
- 87. Forgiveness is its own reward.
- 88. Revenge is its own punishment.
- 89. When two hearts are connected, the biggest problems become workable; when they are not, the smallest difficulties seem insurmountable.
- 90. Constructive criticism generally isn't.
- 91. The capacity to feel joy grows in proportion to the capacity to experience pain.
- 92. There is no greater eloquence than the silence of real listening.
- 93. External conflicts are often outer expressions of internal ones.
- 94. One of the greatest questions you can ask your partner is, "How may I best love you?"
- 95. There's more to be gained by understanding your partner's world than trying to get them to understand yours.
- 96. A loving marriage can heal old emotional wounds more effectively than the best therapy.
- 97. Just keep talkin'.
- 98. Assumptions are fine, as long as you check them out before acting on them.
- 99. Marriages can stay fresh over time.
- 100. Intention may not be the only thing, but it's the most important thing.
- 101. The amount of joy and fulfillment available in a loving partnership is considerably more than you can imagine.
Rating
Topics
Published
- September 24, 2010
Publisher
- New World Library