The Couple's Playbook

Relationships Are a Team Sport, Set Yours Up to Win
By Lisa Marini

Lisa Marini uses a sports-team framework to guide couples through building shared values, communication structures, and agreements across sixteen major life areas — including finances, parenting, intimacy, and household responsibilities. Drawing on brain science and nervous system regulation, the book helps partners understand what drives reactive behavior and develop the skills to manage it. The FACTS method — Fairness, Acceptance, Choice, Trust, and Self-Confidence — serves as a practical framework for handling conflict without losing connection.

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Concepts
  • F.A.C.T.S.
    Fairness, Acceptance, Choice, Trust, Self-Confidence
  • Team Huddle
    Marini's structured regular check-in meeting where partners deliberately step out of daily life to discuss the relationship, make decisions together, and maintain alignment on shared goals.
  • Emotional Trophy
    The core emotional need each partner most wants the relationship to fulfill, such as feeling respected, chosen, or safe; understanding your partner's emotional trophy guides how you show up for them.
  • Sixteen Big Life Plays
    Marini's framework of sixteen major life domains — including finances, parenting, intimacy, and household responsibilities — that every couple must explicitly negotiate and document in their shared playbook.
  • Down Regulate
    The practice of deliberately calming the nervous system before or during conflict so that the prefrontal brain, rather than the reactive limbic system, can guide the response.
Chapters
  • Preface
  • Introduction. Relationships Are a Team Sport
  • Part 1. Building A Playbook & The Fundamentals Of Game Planning
  • Chapter 1. Team Spirit and the Championship Mindset - Decide What You Stand for as a Couple
  • Chapter 2. The Team Huddle - Create a Structure for Conversation
  • Chapter 3. Emotional Trophies - Meet Your partner's Core Needs
  • Chapter 4. Design Your Couple's Playbook - Discuss the Sixteen Big Life Plays
  • Part 2. Skills For Winning In The Sport Of Relationship
  • Chapter 5. Skill of Regulating Your Brain State
  • Chapter 6. Skill of Attentive Listening - Use Positive Filters to Improve Communication
  • Chapter 7. Skill of Mangaging Your Reactions - Learn the FACTS Method
  • Chapter 8. Skill of Integrity - Build Trust, Honesty, and Reliability
  • Chapter 9. Skill of Conflict Resolution - Design Your Rules of Engagement
  • Afterword
  • Acknowledgements
  • Resources
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Published
  • January 14, 2023
Publisher
  • Ikigai Press
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